Another Crash

Yesterday was a blast. I hung out with my two adopted brothers, my baby nephew, my great niece and great nephew. We watched a movie at home, played in the pool and I got to play with the baby for a while. Then a lovely dinner and home I went.

Then there is today. It is five days till my next infusion. I have crashed. I feel like I ran a marathon, lost, got beat up by thugs and ran over by a semi-truck. Ugh. Of course none of those things happened, it is a way of explaining the exhaustion, aches, and pains and the overall ‘I give up’ feeling that I have today.

Anyone else feel this way at times?

I also have a not so friendly visitor knocking, (more like banging), at my door. My frenemy Depression is back and wants to play with me again. This time he’s playing the whole "Pam is useless and can't do anything" song. I know tha

t none of the stuff in this song is true, but Depression has a way of making you believe all the stupid thoughts in your head. I know I will be trying to chase him away all day, maybe even for a few days. I don’t like the songs he plays and I have heard them all before, but he’s kind of like a broken record that just won’t quit until you can kick him out and make him stay out. That, for me, takes help from family and friends, distractions, and feeling better which probably won’t come until after my infusion on Tuesday. So I guess I had probably strap on the boxing gloves and get ready for a rumble with Depression. Oh yeah, lots of fun there- not.

So what to do today? It seems like it’s going to be a sofa and tv type of day. Thankfully I don’t have any doctor appointments or other obligations. One of the frustrating things about a day like today is that I don’t feel I have the energy or enthusiasm to do any of my hobbies. I could make jewelry, crochet, make some birthday presents and such, but the interest to do those things seems to be suppressed by a hollow void.

In fact, this blog started out as Facebook vomit. Facebook vomit for those who don’t know is when you post things that are not appropriate for posting on Facebook, most of which you later regret tremendously. Thankfully, I am trying to turn this posting around by turning it into a blog that demonstrates just how yucky crashing like this is.

I know many other people say they understand. What they really mean is,‘ I hear you say you are not feeling well and I am accepting that’. They don’t truly understand. The reasons for that is because they have not been in the same circumstances needed in order to able to understand completely. Also, it is so very hard for patients to explain what this feels like to others. It is difficult to pin point down the multiple feelings and give a clear representation to them so that they can truly understand.

I hope that this little posting will help.

Many hugs fellow Zebras! I’m going to go get distracted by hanging out with family and chase Mr Depression away.

PS: To brighten up the end of this blog I decided to add a little ray of sunshine. This is Foo, my boyfriend's pug. He likes to gaurd his food EVERY DAY! It's really funny. But sometimes the barking and growling gets too much when you have a pack of dogs, which is what happened the day I took this picture. Foo jumped up onto the couch and was mopping- in the most adorable way that pugs do. So I took this picture of him. He's so cute and funny. Hope you have a pug day!