The Crash
- Pam Mills
- Jan 31, 2015
- 2 min read
Well here it comes again- another crash. To crash in the Zebra world means that you run out of energy, come to a stop. It's like your whole body shuts down. I sometimes expain it as a robot whose battery is out of power.
I know that about 7-14 before my next blood infusion, (also know as IVIG in the medical community) that I am going to crash. It makes me a bit of a hermit now, as I know I can't go anywhere on my own during this time just in case I do crash. When I was new to this disability, I would still try to do things like normal, such as trying to go grocery shopping. Going out on my own usually led to me crashing and having to call family and friends to come and rescue me and take me home.
One time I was just trying to get a few things at Walmart. I started to crash so I sat down and relaxed for a while. I got up and tried to continue but couldn't. I found another bench and broke down in tears. An employee asked if I was okay. I said yes. Then I started texted everyone in my support circle that I needed help. A short while later my mother-in- law came by. She had been shopping at the time when she saw my text. She sat down next to me and I cried like a baby on her shoulder. She stayed and comforted me until my husband showed up to take me home.
For me a crash isn't just about the severe sudden fatigue, although that is a big part of it. I also get pain- overwhelming aches like I have the flu. My back and joints hurts and sometimes will swell so I feel still. Then there is also the emotional aspect of crashing- so many emotions because you can no longer do what you once did before; frustration and sadness over loss of independence, fear over what else might happen, embarassment over needing help, and the list goes on.
During the past week I have gone to doctor appointments most everyday. Each time I needed someone else to drive me there and back. By the time I was home again after these appointments, I was so tired and exhausted. Family and friends also tell me when I don't look so good. They have learned the signs of me crashing. Yesterday I had a 4 hour nap, then slept another 2 hours on the couch and went to bed at 9pm. I woke up at 4 am in pain, and kept napping unitl almost 9am. I am still tired. I feel still, achey and have had a lot more back pain. I have 3 more days to go until my next blood infusion, (IVIG). Then hopefully I will recover quickly.
This is just another day in my life as a Zebra!
